I have been waiting for this moment for 10 years. I remember sitting with my now ex-husband across from our mediator finalizing the “terms” (another blog I will talk about why that is in quotes!), and he looked at us and said, “Please, promise me the two of you will write a book someday to help the countless other parents in the throes of divorce.” He went on to say that he had never quite seen in all his years of practice two people who genuinely cared for each other in addition to their children. I vowed that I would help people some how. I was always taken aback when countless women would say to me, “You are so lucky to have a great relationship with your ex.” Luck? No. It was all intentional and hard work at times.
Not so flash forward 10 years later and I am finally putting fingertips to keyboard and sharing my experience in the hopes that it can help others struggling through divorce, finding their own way while they attempt to protect their kids and find a new normal.
As I launch into the telling of this story, I do feel the need to share a couple of very important points. My blog and anything that follows (thinking coaching, podcast….) is really for the woman that is going through or has been through a divorce and has CHILDREN. This is critical, because everything I share is about creating the life you want for your “new” family model. If you do not have kids, your ability to truly move on from the person you are divorcing is more simple (albeit the extremely emotional process you will go through, you will move on eventually).
Because here is a fundamental thing you MUST understand if you have kids, and this may be mind altering for many of you, so sit down:
YOU AND YOUR EX WILL BE IN EACH OTHER’S LIVES TILL DEATH DO YOU PART
That vow technically is NEVER broken if you have kids. It may be hard to contemplate in the moment, but think about it. Birthdays, graduations, weddings, grandchildren……it never ends. So keep in mind that you have to intentionally be planning for the long term life against the short term emotional day to day if you want to have the life you want for you and your children (and your grandchildren)……seriously.
Thank you for reading my very first blog, my vision is that I continue to share with you my experiences and how I continue to focus on the long term raising a 14 & 12 year old from my previous marriage and a 3 year old from my current marriage!